▣ Training for Anger Management
The purpose of managing anger is to actively pursue a happier life. Anger can have productive and necessary functions, so transforming anger positively is the true way to manage it. Here are some techniques used for anger management when you feel angry.
- Thought Stopping: When you experience an event that triggers you, you may become angry and think about it constantly, which can amplify the anger. As soon as the event or situation comes to mind, consciously stop the thought by saying words like “stop” or “halt” out loud.
- Assertiveness Training: ‘Assertive behavior’ is a method of expressing your needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and directly without blaming or directing others in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Through this training, you can prevent problems caused by negative emotions, relieve suppressed emotions, and correct negative thoughts and self-deprecating attitudes.
- Choosing the Happiness Channel: Humans cannot harbor opposite emotions simultaneously; thus, you cannot feel happy and angry at the same time. Therefore, it is essential to make an effort to choose happiness over anger. Since all choices are made by oneself, recognize that anger is not something given by others or the environment but something you choose.
▣ Cognitive Behavior Modification
Just as there are habits related to healthy living, such as smoking and drinking, there are mental habits associated with mental health. “Mental habits” include concepts like cognitive errors, rumination, hopelessness, worry, negative thinking, and escapism, which are closely linked to mental health issues. These mental habits can lead to a decline in mental health, so identifying negative mental habits is necessary for positive mental health.
For instance, in adverse situations, you might perceive a setback or rejection from others as an irreparable, worst-case scenario. When repeatedly facing overwhelming emotional distress, you might believe that unhappiness stems from external pressures and that you have no control over or ability to change your feelings, potentially leading to depression. Habitually avoiding life’s difficulties can increase the risk of addiction. These negative mental habits can exacerbate unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. Therefore, it is essential to refine and modify these thoughts through rational and logical disputation to purify emotions. Observing oneself and transforming negative perspectives with new insights is crucial.
When faced with situations like verbal abuse from a customer, write down the actual events that trigger unpleasant emotions. For example, you might write, “After refusing a customer’s unreasonable request, I was subjected to insulting language, and all I could say was ‘sorry’.” Then, rate the thoughts that trigger unpleasant emotions: “unfairness, frustration, anger, self-doubt (100 points),” and “wanting to quit the job and retaliate against the customer (90 points).” Before emotions like “It might be better to quit than to continue working under such conditions” arise, identify and document the irrational beliefs. Challenge these beliefs with rational responses like “The problem lies entirely with the customer, not me.” Reassess your feelings after modifying your reactions and re-evaluate your scores. While cognitive modification of negative mental habits doesn’t completely eliminate unpleasant emotions, it can gradually help regulate negative feelings.
▣ Calming the Mind
While experiencing anger, the body becomes tense. This tension can lead to various physical ailments. Deep breathing, progressive relaxation, and meditation help to relax the tense body and promote a calm mind.
[Deep Breathing and Progressive Relaxation]
- First, clear your mind of all thoughts and slowly inhale deeply through your nose.
- Imagine sending the inhaled air to your abdomen, causing it to bulge outward.
- In a comfortable position, tense each part of your body sequentially for 5-7 seconds: hands, elbows, upper arms, shoulders, neck, lips, around the eyes, forehead, chest, back, waist, thighs, calves, feet, and toes.
- Relax each part for 20-30 seconds. Repeat 2-3 times.
[Meditation Technique]
- First, close your eyes and assume a comfortable and upright posture.
- Slowly and comfortably take a deep breath in, hold it as long as you can, and then exhale completely.
- With each complete breath, count down from ten to one, repeating the process